I am trying to scream but no sound is coming out.. I am taken by pain and terror. I feel like I am falling down from a helicopter without a parachute...

It's resistance. Resistance to incarnating as a human.

What is the lesson here?

The lesson is to let go, trust and accept. Let go of control, let go of the longing to restore my power, trust and accept that powerlessness is a source of more power. How much of the lesson is complete? 68%. How can I complete the rest?

Trust and accept. Trust and accept that every situation is for your highest good.

I see a lifetime when I incarnated for the first time. I don't see the specifics, but I see that I went straight to my mission of transmuting darkness into light. I fought darkness, like I did in the other realms. I won there. Here I lost. The darkness absorbed me.

I sank into Darkness as if it was a thick bottomless ocean of a swamp filled with sticky greenish goo. The deeper I went the thicker the Darkness became. It took my light off. It absorbed me. I spent aeons like that, in the Darkness. It was as if I were lethargic. I incarnated many times like that, in the Darkness, having forgotten about my mission, lost a sense of self. I became Darkness.

I see now that fighting the Darkness in its own realm is doomed. Perhaps by design. It's impossible to win a fight against Creation itself.

The way to fulfill my mission of transmuting Darkness into Light is by being Light.

When I am being Light, when I remember my true identity, I remember my Home, I stay true to myself. When I am being Light everything that comes in contact with me is transmuted into Light. So I end up being surrounded by Light.

It feels as if this is a much slower way to conquer Darkness then attacking it, but counterintuitively it's the fastest and the only way not to get absorbed by Darkness, and keep your Light on.

Every time I forget I should tell myself: I am Light. I am Light. I am Light.