I am launching into a battle.

My horse and I are becoming one in this super powerful thrust. I have a sword in my hand. I feel omnipotent. I am wearing something white, my horse is also white. I am attacking the enemy, everything and everybody is mixed up into one big mess. I am fighting solely on an instinct because it's impossible to see who is who, and which side is up or down. My instinct is sharp though. I am a natural at this. My sword is precise and deadly. It's a tough battle, a battle of equals. But my power is limitless. It feels so natural to fight. I am not getting tired. To the contrary, it is as if my power is increasing as I fight. I sense that I am winning.

***

I am now by my father's side. We are at his palace. I brought the news of our victory. He embraces me with his love. I feel at peace by my father's side. I feel his eternal unconditional love. I feel like I am my father's favorite child. Life is a bliss. I am happy, I am complete.

***

Something bizarre starts happening. I feel as if I am being reduced to a tiny cell, picked up by a vortex, taken through a tunnel, and being sucked into a dark enclosed space. It is three dimensional. I am very uncomfortable. I don't want to be here. I vaguely remember that I am here at my own free will. But this feels so claustrophobic, so limiting and so unnatural that right now I cannot imagine how and WHY I would ever volunteer for THIS. But I must have, because I do not feel any residue of feeling that I have "been thrown" in here. My entire being is in shock. It feels like I am being sucked into a tiny dark hole of smallness, darkness, and powerlessness. It is very disorienting.

Suddenly I realize that I am being sucked into it without my wings. I am being separated from my wings. What?? No!! My wings!! No way!! I did NOT sign up for THAT!

I frantically start to pull my wings through the vortex, squeeze them through the tiny dark hole. I am fighting for my wings with all my might, but... my power is gone.

Right, my power must have dissipated the moment I was separated from my wings. Or the moment before? The moment I agreed to do this? Or the moment it started happening? I am not sure.

I keep fighting for my wings. My intention is strong, but they are not coming through. I am trying to pull them through in whatever shape or form - I made them black, featherless, and small - pocket sized wings, just a souvenir really, but they are still not coming through. It is as if they cannot exist in this strange place that I chose to come to. What was I thinking??

I am starting to pass out. It's as if my consciousness is being phased out. I am still fighting but I am getting exhausted. My mind is blanking. The wings are still not here. I am desperate to bring my wings through with me. I fall into nothingness.

***

I sense someone else in here. It's two beings. A woman and a man. I am a tiny spit of energy in the woman's body. I instantly recognize what is going on: I am being conceived as a human baby.

I can sense the woman's emotions. She is excited. I don't care - I am so sad about my wings...

The moment I remember my lost wings I start crying uncontrollably. I can't wrap my head around this. My wings, they are gone. I could not pull them in. How could I fail to squeeze my wings through with me?! It's impossible. My wings are a part of me. And yet, here I am, and no wings. My grief is eternal.

***
I am still crying. I don't care about the woman, or the man, or the new life I am about to do. I don't understand how I am supposed to do it without my wings. Even the pocket sized black ones. Even if they fit into a match box. I need them. I am devastated.

***

I am awake again. It must have been a few months into gestation. Whenever I remember what happens, I feel still sad about my wings. My consciousness is in and out. It's very foggy. I start having memory lapses. It is as if I am being drugged, and the drugs cause amnesia. As if my consciousness is getting wiped out.

I feel as if I am unable to hold on to myself. What is my name? I can't remember...

I start crying uncontrollably again. I remembered that I lost my wings... I am falling back into the thick unconscious fog.

***

The woman is singing. This must be my mother... ...My wings! Where are my wings? My wings are gone?! What is my name?? I don't know.

I know I had a name! What was it?? I burst into tears because I realized that I had forgotten my name for aeons. I have done countless human lives without remembering who I was. For eons I could not remember my name. What is it, what is it??

I must remember it now. It's a difficult name. Izekeil. Ezekiel? Yes, Ezekiel!! My name is Archangel Ezekiel! I am a fearless warrior in the God's army, God's beloved child. I fought a war in God's name and won. My loyal horse carried me to victory. I had wings... oh my wings...

This place is tiny. Do I really have to do this again? I miss my wings. What was the point of all of this? I cannot remember! I feel isolated, deprived. I miss my Father. I want to go home. I am feeling sad again. This cannot be real. How do I wake up? I have to at least remember my name. My name is Ezekiel. How do I make sure I don't forget it again? Maybe if I keep repeating it over and over again. Ezekiel, Ezekiel, Ezekiel. The fog is closing in on me. Ezekiel, Ezekiel, Ezeki...

***
Contractions begin. I am being pushed out of the tiny dark space. I am both relieved to get out and depressed about having to start it all over again. I see the light. It is very hard to squeeze through and out. Every inch is a huge effort. It's even harder than getting in. I cannot take this anymore. I start crying.

***
The woman and the man are looking at me. I am their baby. To them I am perfect. Absolutely perfect. I feel unconditionally loved. I feel perfect. Without the wings. Do I remember my name? Yes. Ezekiel. My name is Archangel Ezekiel, and I am a human baby.